First, congratulations on your bundle of joy. After nine months of carrying a life inside you, you can finally hold your little one in your arms and call yourself a certified mom.
Here is the question: what about your husband? Surely, he’s been craving some sexy time since you had to forego the ultimate sexual experience every night. Since you gave birth, he will ask for some alone time together, which may make you worry and apprehensive,because you have a baby lying around in another room that might wake up anytime.
Surely, the words “mom” and “sex” are two things that seldom go well together. Still, you can make time for sex with these 16 techniques even if you just gave birth:
1. Keeping It Slow: The Right Time to Have Sex After Birth
Here’s the truth: sex is the last thing that will cross your mind as soon as you have a baby. A long day of feeding, swaddlingand changing diapers won’t get your sex drive started as soon as your man steps inside your home.
So, when should you have sex if “right away” is out of the scenario?
Most doctors and caregivers recommend a no sex policy for at least four weeks for normal delivery, and six weeks for caesarian births. This is because there is still a wound left in your uterus from the placenta. Even if you are feeling better, there is still bleeding inside your womb, a condition called lochia.
What happens if you have sex immediately?
You are at risk for infection, which is something you don’t want to happen. Therefore, wait until the bleeding stopped and allow your body to heal before getting back on the sex track. In the meantime, there are many ways you can do to encourage intimacy sans penetration, which you will read in the succeeding paragraphs.
2. Sit Down and Talk: The Power of Conversation in Getting Your Libido Back on Track
Here’s the deal with sex: it is a two-way process. This means one cannot move on unless the other moves, as well. Before you get back on the sex track, it is best to talk to your partner first. Discuss everything you need to about sex after birth – fears, worries, embarrassment, and your feelings towards them.
You might be scared to bare your worries to your man. After all, you don’t want him to think that you are no longer interested. Unless you talk, explain things, and make him understand, you are leaving your man in the dark.
Keep in mind that honesty breeds trust, which are all essential in every sexual relationship. Be honest. This is much better than lying down and forcing yourself to make love, even if you are not comfortable. Your partner will notice it anyway.
3. Learn to Love Your Post-Pregnancy Mom Bod
You’ve seen the hot moms club – Heidi Klum, Miranda Kerr, Kourtney Kardashian, Angelina Jolie, and the list goes on. You probably wonder if they can get back to their pre-mom bod, perhaps you can too.
That is a great mindset and motivation to get you working. However, you need to remember that these celebrities devote a considerable amount of time with dedicated trainers to help them in order to fit in their size 0 clothes again. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, learn to accept that some things changed.
Women’s bodies change after pregnancy and birth, and stretch marks and sagging arms are not unusual scenarios. In fact, it will take months – or even years – for your body to recover from childbirth. Learn to embrace these changes and at the same time, look for ways to help you trim down excess belly.
You can try the following techniques to help you lose weight after pregnancy:
- Drink eight to 10 glasses of water everyday.
- Eat five to six small meals a day.
- Munch on fruits and vegetables to supply your body with essential nutrients for healing and recovery.
- Skip processed, fatty, sugary, salty and junk foods.
- Go for boiled or baked foods instead of fried foods.
- Add walking or light jogging activities into your routine.
- Walk around the block with your baby in the stroller.
- Do not skip meals.
4. Never Underestimate the Power of Touch and Cuddling
Having sex may take a backseat, especially after childbirth. You need to allow your wounds to heal and give your body some time to recover before getting back into action. This doesn’t mean you should minimize physical contact, too.
Think about this: if physical contact is limited to a kiss on the lips every time your husband leaves for work, then don’t be surprised if your sex life is going down the drain. You might even forget how it feels to be enveloped by bare skin.
The next time your husband walks out on the door, remember this: sex is not just about penetration. It is also about creating a buildup and getting you in the mood to keep your area down there excited. Don’t limit physical contact to a quick kiss on the cheek or lips. You can also try the following non-sexual ways to increase intimacy:
- Walk hand in hand.
- Give each other a massage.
- Make out, but stick to second base.
- Look into each other’s eyes.
- Hug as much as you can.
- Try some pillow talk.
The bottom line is to establish a connection in order to jumpstart your sex drive and sex life.
5. Go Shopping and Invest in New Underwear
When was the last time you shopped for underwear? If you’re still holding on to your college underwear, then maybe it’s time to consider giving your underwear drawer an update. Surprisingly, this could be the reason why you are not in the mood for some action.
Here’s why you should buy new underwear: it makes you feel pretty and it makes you feel good. This increases your self-confidence and makes you feel sexier. At the same time, it sends signals to your man that you are interested and you want some action, because you care about how you look down there.
Leave your little one to your mom or husband, and go shopping. Reward yourself with few pieces of new and sexy underwear. Believe it or not, it may change your mind about sex, too.
6. Say Yes to Foreplay and Enjoy Every Second of It
Here’s a common dilemma among mothers: You are most likely tired from taking care of your baby, and all you probably want to do is lie down and get some sleep. On the other hand, you want to please your man and give him the attention he deserves. Because of this, you agree to have sex with him, but jump to the main event, so you can both finish and get some rest.
The truth is if you keep on doing that, you might lose your sex life. So, how do you reconcile both scenarios?
Allow yourself to experience foreplay. By definition, foreplay is a warm-up to get you and your man excited and aroused for what’s about to come. You don’t need to spend an hour on each other with exhausting acrobatics for this phase. Stick to the usual activities and savor every second of it.
Believe it or not, your libido will surely love it, and pay you back in return.
7. Have Sex Now and Worry About the Big O Later
Finally, you are getting your libido back. It may be a bit slow, but at least it’s a good start. Now that you are slowly getting comfortable inside the bedroom, here is something you should remember: keep your expectations low – at least for the next few weeks until you are 100-percent again.
It would be nice to have sex and get multiple orgasms in just one session just like the old times. However, exhaustion, breastfeeding, a day full of poop and pee, and lack of sleep are recipes for zero orgasms. Plus, the pressure you put on yourself to achieve climax, so you won’t hurt your partner’s feelings could add more to your stress.
Instead of focusing on the big O, divert your attention and energy on the physical closeness. Orgasm will come out naturally if you are relaxed. More importantly, think of the big O as an unexpected but special treat. If it happens, then that’s great. If not, you can always try next time, which leads us to the next one.
8. Listen to What Nike Said: Just Do It
Sex against your will is and will never be okay. However, there are cases when it’s okay to have sex, even if you are not in the mood. The surprising part is the effects in your sex life can be positive.
In what way, you might ask.
The phrase, “Use it or lose it” is applicable in this scenario. The more you think about your worries and hold on to your apprehensions, the more you will lose interest in sex. On the other hand, the more often you have sex, the less complicated and stressful it becomes.
If you have the slightest tingling sensation down there, then go ahead and initiate the deed. Then take a deep breath, clear your mind, and think of sex as a form of meditation.
Are you ready for more tips to get your sex drive up and running? Then stick around since there are more in store for you.
9. Skip the “I Am Tired” Defense and Start Making Love
Fact: all moms are tired. You are wearing too many hats and 24 hours is not enough to get everything done. Still, this doesn’t mean you should keep wearing the “I am tired” hat too.
Taking care of a baby and taking in charge of the household could be exhausting. However, you cannot use this as a standard defense just to get away from sex. If you are genuinely tired and you want to rest instead of have sex, then at least tell him and be honest about it.
Here’s the real deal with the tiredness card: it is and will always be a libido killer. Apparently, it is not just because you have too much going on in your plate. It might be a sign of a condition and require check-up for further diagnosis. Instead of using this excuse, take time to talk to your partner and come up with solutions to have positive results inside the bedroom.
10. Date Nights: A Surefire Solution to an Age-Old Condition
Here’s a secret you should know when it comes to getting your sex life back: don’t rush it. The more you put pressure on yourself to have sex, the smaller the chances of your libido knocking at your door.
Take it slow and steady and go on date nights first. Spend some time together as husband and wife, not mom and dad. Talk about anything while enjoying great food. The good thing about date nights is that you are able to reconnect with your partner, which could help strengthen your relationship – and sex life.
This leads us to the next tip.
11. Plan Sexy Time: A Simple Yet Effective Way to Add Love Making in Your Routine
Here’s another fact: balancing your time among your child, husband and household could be tricky. Most of the time, you neglect one or two things to give way to another.
Do you want to know the secret to balancing everything in your hands? Plan ahead. This means plan sex in advance, mark it on your calendar, set a reminder on your phone, and set aside time. Make all of the necessary adjustments to ensure that your plan will push through. If you want to make your relationship and sex life work, then you should start making intimacy a priority.
When the alarm is on, reminding you that today is the day, make sure to stick to it. Don’t make excuses and instead, start taking some action.
Do you still have room for more tips? There are five more tips waiting for you so keep your eyes on the post.
12. Baby Blues vs. Postpartum Depression – Why You Should Know the Difference
Most people interchange postpartum depression or PPD, with the baby blues. This is because these two conditions happen a few days to weeks from childbirth and come with the following symptoms:
- Crying or Tearfulness
- Negative Feelings
- Difficulty Sleeping
- Fatigue or Exhaustion
- Changes in Eating Habits
- Difficulty in Concentrating
- Negative Feelings Like Guilt, Hopelessness or Sadness
Up to 70 percent of new moms experience the baby blues, which usually lasts from one to two weeks after giving birth. On the other hand, there are cases where moms are having a hard time to recover after the second week. This is what experts call postpartum depression, which affects 13 percent of new moms.
Whether it is baby blues or PPD, one thing is for sure: it will affect your entire life, including your sex drive. The good news is,here are some things you can do to address any of these conditions and get your libido back. You can:
- Get enough sleep, by resting whenever your baby sleeps.
- Be good to yourself by taking a bubble bath or reading a book.
- Talk to someone who understands what it’s like to be a new mom.
- Join a support groupor Meetup group to get helpful tips and share your feelings with other moms.
- Take care of your physical self by eating healthy foods, drinking lots of water and getting some gentle exercise.
- Get out of the house and take a walk with your baby.
- Don’t rush your recovery and take things one at a time.
13. Schedule Alone Time to Reconnect With Yourself on a Regular Basis
When everything else is chaotic, the first thing you will need to calm you down is some time for yourself. The reason is simple: if you can’t be an adult woman, it is less likely for you to feel the same and have energy to engage with someone else.
Therefore, take some time off and be with yourself. The more you reconnect with yourself, the easier and faster it will be for you to feel whole again. At the same time, taking alone time will restore you, which is what you need in order to share yourself with your partner.
You don’t need a week-long vacation to do this. Spend a few more minutes in the shower, go for a coffee break, treat yourself with a massage, or watch a movie. Journaling helps, too.
In case you’re wondering, masturbation counts as alone time, as well. It allows you to experience pleasure, which improves your interpersonal sex life. Self-love could change your perspective about sex and pleasure, too.
14. Eat Well: Another Simple Solution for Every Tired Mom
Now that you’ve given birth, this doesn’t mean you should neglect your nutrition. Your body needs nutrients now more than ever since you are in the stage of recovering. Consequently, you need to maintain an adequate supply of amino acids to ensure that the neurotransmitters responsible for keeping stress at bay are in their best shape. Proper nutrition also keeps your mental and emotional health stable.
In case you are breastfeeding, proper nutrition is vital, too. You want to make sure that you are giving the best milk you can to your little one by eating healthy.
Here are some of the foods you should include in your diet:
- Whole Grains
- Leafy Greens Like Broccoli, Collards and Kale
- Fatty Fish Like Salmon, Mackerel and Tuna
- Olive Oil
You can try this simple smoothie to kick start your day:
- In a blender, blend one banana, one tablespoon each of almond or coconut butter, maca powder, and flaxseeds.
- Add one-half cup each of blueberries, and almond or coconut milk.
- Blend well and transfer it to a glass.
You can drink it every morning or have it during snacks.
15. Take Turns with Baby to Allow Yourself to Rest and Recover
This is a common complaint among moms. Most of the time, it is you who take charge of the baby, while the husband sleeps soundly at night.
Work out a schedule and compromise, so you can get your sleep, too. Take turns with your partner in getting up when the baby cries. Do your best to take naps during the day while the baby is sleeping. If there is too much on your plate, ask for extra hands, like a babysitter, your best friend or your family.
Sleeping keeps you recharged, which means more energy for the night in case your baby cooperates. Pregnancy, childbirth and new motherhood is exhausting, so be sure to recharge by resting whenever you can.
16. Exercise: A Libido Enhancer and Weight Buster All Rolled Into One
You might be excited to get your pre-pregnancy body back as soon as you give birth. Just like sex, you need to allow your body to rest and recover until the wounds are fully healed. Still, this is not an excuse to forget about exercise.
The truth is, there are simple exercises you can do to lose your baby fat while getting your sex drive up and ready. Exercise will lift your spirits and help you sleep better too, so try the following:
- Light Jogging
- Walk Around With Your Baby in the Stroller
- Kegel Exercises
- Biceps Curls
- GoingUp and Down Stairs
- Household Chores
It is important that you allow your body to heal before getting into more intense exercises like ab workouts or pushups. Take it easy. The important thing is to get yourself to move, so those happy hormones will eventually take over your body and get you in the mood.
Important Things for You to Remember
You might rush to get back in the sex track to please your man and make him happy once again. After all, you probably worry that he wasn’t given the attention he deserved at the end of your pregnancy. However, that is not always the case, so don’t let the pressure get inside your mind.
It is vital that you allow the wounds to heal and your body to recover from childbirth and the nine months you were carrying a child. Once you recover, check out these 16 techniques to get your libido up and running. You will surely enjoy sex if you give yourself and your body some time to recover.